BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
EBITDA: earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor.
EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering.
EPS: eventual prison sentence.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
MOMENTUM INVESTING — the fine art of buying high and selling low.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.?
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — when your former wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

20 yrs ago, I sold 50 shares to buy a new 88 model ambassador, Last week also, I sold 50 shares of the same company & again bought a 88 model ambassador, “MARKET IS STABLE”

After the stock market crashed, an investor was asked if he was a bull or a bear.
“Actually”, he replied, ” I’m an Ass.”

Any idea where we can find Lehman Sisters?
Why…?
Got to do to them, what d brothers did to us.

International stock markets are responding to rate cuts like men do to Viagra.One or two hours up & then back to limp.

They told me to invest in stocks for my old age.
I did and it worked wonderfully…
Within a week i started looking like an old man…

If Gandhiji had invested in stock mkt ? There would have been 4th monkey having his hands on his ASS.

From an investor,on the current market situation “This is worse than a divorce; I have lost half of my networth…and I still have a wife!”

Upcoming Horror Movies,
Produced by P. CHIDAMBRAM

“SENSEX BANA SHAITAN”

“TADAPTI NIFTY”

“KHUNI SEBI”

“INVESTOR KI MAUT”

“SHAITANI TIPS”

Good time to invest in stocks of Rupa frontline, VIP underwear, Jockey briefs etc..!
ShareBazar mein Sab ki chaddi utar gayi hai, So everyone will buy new one.

When Bush was asked abt the Credit Crunch…He said it was his favorite candy bar!

Everyone has their own opinion on how does the stock market work. This is a one from Arun Bhatnager

A cold winter!

It was autumn, and the Red Indians asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn’t tell what the weather was going to be. Read the rest of this entry »

A pre season thought…..quite relevant…..but difficult to practice…

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable; So you might as well be happy….

“Don’t take life too seriously, always find time to send a SMS; Remember that SMS not only adds friends to your life, but adds more life to your friends.”

2005/06 - Baroda, Ahmedabad, Surat, - New Destinations, money to burn, places to acquire, malls to be built.

2008 - Malls ready, high rentals, brands occupying, supposedly great footfalls BUT no conversion. And some have changed hands, closed so on & forth.

WHY? WHY? WHY? Read the rest of this entry »

The return trip was extremely eventful to say the least.

Carrying a WL (wait list) ticket, reached the station early! Having been ordered to carry a lot a of stuff back…..had two large bags along. Negotiating with the coolie was smooth (probably because I agreed to his demands).

Went to the center to check on the ticket confirmation, since the lists were not visible anywhere. Pushing through the crowd, managed to ask, nay shout my query in gujarati, promptly came the reply in English (think this is the NRI hangover), handed over the printout & was informed C1- 64.

With coolie, bags in tow walked to the end of the station. The train pulled in right on time….and our man rushed in with the two bags. A thought at the back of my mind resurged, so looked for the list on the door, but of course there was none! The pantry attendants cheerfully told me that the lists were on the other side, since at Ahmadabad the platform was on the other side….No matter that at Baroda & all subsequent stations it was a different side. Read the rest of this entry »

“Now Investors will realise that Return OF Money is more IMPORTANT than Return ON Money”

May this festival of lights protect you & your loved ones; fulfill your wishes, dreams & ambitions; bring peace, happiness, prosperity that helps you make a bigger difference in the coming year.

Wishing you Happy Diwali & a Prosperous New Year

Happened to run in to Nanubhai on Dalal Street . He was eating Khaman Dhokla  at a farsan shop.
“Kame cho, Nanubhai?”
“Saru che.”
He was looking glum but gestured me to join him.
Nanubhai is a well-respected Dalal Street dada with an answer to every shareholder’s query. Read the rest of this entry »